Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are NOT dead

…because we saw them, thrice in one night, as they engaged in their typical tomfoolery. I always felt sorry for Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in the play Hamlet because they never realize what imbeciles they are, and I felt sorry for them when I saw them in person for the same reason. The first time we saw them was when we rounded a corner after finishing a pint of Guinness at a local pub. (I am so happy that they serve Guinness cold here now. Delicious.) R & G stood on the corner in disheveled dress, and one, with head down clinging to a knapnack as if for comfort, looked completely forlorn. He whined, “Bu' eye don wan dem tew fink eye’m ‘omophobic.” That was what he said syllable for syllable. In America, it would have read, “But, I don’t want them to think I am homophobic.” He went on: “Now, dey jus’ fink eye’m an ig-nor-in ‘omophobe. Eye don' wan dem tew fink dat. Fuck.” (You gotta give him some credit here. He’s an enlightened ignorant. Oxymoronic, as that might be.) We moved past them, giggled a bit as we said we just saw Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in the flesh.               

            We walked around the city for another two hours or so and covered a lot of ground. As we came out of a shop after buying some gum, we ran right into Rosencrantz and Guildenstern again. This time, the other one was speaking (the one that wasn’t worried about being mistook for an ignorant homophobe). He was furious about something, rabid, and really getting in the face of his doppelganger, spitting as he spoke. His greasy hair was flitting about and the other one used his knapsack to keep some distance between him and his foaming-at-the-mouth friend.

             We walked in another direction and visited some more pubs and restaurants with live music; we walked down cute alleyways and along the streets of some adorable neighborhoods. Finally, exhausted and with sore feet, we headed home. It was well after midnight and as we reached the block of our flat, there were Rosencrantz and Guildenstern--again. (I was beginning to think this was some kind of live theatre performance that secretly stayed a few steps ahead of us.) In this vignette, they both looked exhausted, like they had been through a lot that night. This time as we walked past, we heard one say to the other, “In awl fair (barely pronounce the ‘r’)ness, we waz boff a li’le drunk.” And I am pretty sure at that point, they gave each other a hug.