It is wrong to drown babies

             Is it wrong to drown babies?…I mean, IT IS wrong to drown babies. It’s just that on the ten-hour flight, babies were crying non-stop (literally, like at least one baby was crying every second of the flight) and I imagined them being dunked under water. Not to kill them. They were all really cute; they just couldn’t stop crying. I don’t think drowning them temporarily in my imagination is a terrible thing to do under these circumstances. Because while they were under water in my imagination, they were silent.

             It is also wrong to punch old men in the face. But, I did envision doing that, too, because the old man behind me was playing games on the interactive screen attached to the back of my seat. Pound, pound, pound went his fingers and pound, pound, pound went the seat on the back of my head…the entire flight. It F’d up my neck. Along with pounding the screen and shaking my head, he was singing Cat Stevens songs aloud—“Moonshadow” and “Morning has Broken.” Aloud, I tell you, even though he had headphones plugged into his ears, which is generally universally done so that NO ONE ELSE BUT YOU can hear the music playing in your own head. (I could not hear the actual beauty of the tune; I could only hear his horrible off-key a cappella version.) He did not understand the full purpose of headphones. And, he apparently thought we would all enjoy his singing. I did not, but it is really weird that he thought he could sing Cat Stevens songs off-key in his Spanish accent for our entire section of the plane to hear. Except no one said anything, so I guess he could.

            It is also wrong to put pencils in the butt crack of grown men who wear their shorts halfway down their backside and lean over right next to you and stick half their hairy asses right in your face. However, I still really wanted to put a pencil in the crack of the man’s arse who did that to me. I mean, come on, couldn’t he feel the breeze when he bent over? If he couldn’t feel the breeze, I thought he should feel the pencil. 
           So, our flight was very colorful. But our stay so far has been spectacular. Our hosts are fabulous, just lovely, the weather is divine and the pints and the wine are delicious. So far, so fabulously good!